Reflections from a Celibate Slut

Dream Weaver
Jun 3
2 min read

Updated: Sep 18

A pink rose in bloom, surrounded by dark green leaves, set against a blurred, shadowy background, creating a serene, moody atmosphere.

My relationship to sex was shaped by religious and social shame, trauma, and violence. Everyone from the Pope to my 14-year-old boyfriend taught me to see sex, and the pleasure and intimacy inherent in it, as adversarial in nature. Now, sex is filtered through a kaleidoscope of power struggles that's defined every relationship I've been in. I'm currently celibate as an intentional practice of re-writing my relationship to sex.

I learned to weaponize my sexuality to secure the emotional connected I longed for. I proudly flaunt it in front of those who wish to suppress, control, or possess it. I leveraged it as a critical resource to leave my marriage and establish financial independence. I claim it as my life force and joyfully celebrate it. I ritualize it, offering orgasm after orgasm to the deities I worship. I have a complex and dynamic relationship to sex and all the things it represents in my life.

As I enter a new season of life, I feel this relationship changing once again. Sensuality, eroticism, and kink invite me to explore pleasure and intimacy in new ways. A stimulating conversation erotic energy passing between friends, ad the flow of creating art take on heightened power when permitted to be pleasurable experiences in their own right. I can release the burdens of the old scars and painfully fresh wounds sex has left and live only in this single moment of pleasure.

Celibacy is a practice of honoring the slow and gentle path. Of easing myself into a deeper and more expansive way of knowing pleasure. Of reveling in the small, intimate moments that exist between life's orgasms.