Releasing Conformity by Living Out Loud

Dream Weaver
May 26
3 min read

Updated: Sep 18

Purple flower with a green stem and buds against a white background. The petals have a vibrant hue, creating a serene and elegant mood.

I grew up in a world that demanded conformity, obedience, and invisibility. When I became a mother and wife, those pressures only intensified. Over time, they chipped away at the parts of me that didn’t fit neatly in my pre-assigned box, until slicing pieces of myself off became second nature. I learned to abandon my dreams in service of someone else’s goals. I was praised for shrinking, for staying small, and ignored when I shined. A machine of social norms, cultural expectations, and family values sculpted me into a version I myself I no longer recognize.

To survive, I built barriers protecting the parts of me that most struggled to fit these impossible standards. The fiery spirit, questioning mind, and curious nature dimmed. Leaving my marriage was the catalyst for returning to myself. It marked the beginning of an awakening to what no longer served me. Without the oppressive control marriage brought into my life, I was free to take up space and to pause- really pause- to honor how far I had come. The shift from married to single wasn’t just a legal transition, it was a profound unraveling of old roles and a reimagining of what life could look like on my own terms.

The rebuilding that followed upending my life showed me how deeply the habits of my past- conformity, obedience, and invisibility- had become embedded in my identity. What once protected me was now poisoning me. The survival strategies of my youth were threatening the woman I was growing into.

I started doing things differently, even if I didn’t what my end goal looked like yet. I made choices that raised eyebrows, provoked judgement, and drew concern. I grieved. Deeply grieved for the life I was leaving behind. And I shared the process publicly. I found freedom in the transparency of it. For too long I had lived in silence, secrecy, and shame. Speaking out became a habit of reclamation. I could name my choices, own their outcomes, and share their lessons.

Releasing what kept me small- and doing so publicly- cleared the path for deeper self-acceptance. It gave me the courage to trust my own voice again, to offer what I’ve learned to others navigating pain, and to place myself at the center of my own story.

These cycles of release and reclamation are still in motion, and one of the focuses of these cycles is my identity and sexuality. Sharing my kink journey online is another way I shed the habits of conformity, obedience, and invisibility. Every image I post resists a culture that tells women to be modest and obedient. And at 38, each one is a reminder that I still exist in a world that insists aging women should fade away.

As I inch closer to menopause and closing out the first half of my life, it only feels natural to mark this threshold out loud. There is power in letting transformation be witnessed, and healing in being seen.