Cultivating a Pleasure Practice with Ritual

Dream Weaver
7 hours ago
5 min read

Rope and Sun Worship Ritual captured by Idiosyncratic Art

My relationship to pleasure began when I read Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good, written and gathered by adrienne maree brown. Pleasure is a relatively simple concept. It's the feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. And yet, it has been so evasive in my own life. When adrienne maree brown merged pleasure with activism, "efforts to promote, impede, or direct social, political, economic, or environmental reform or stasis with the desire to make improvements in society," I began to understand why it was something that felt so inaccessible to me. I was deeply burned out from the intersecting responsibilities of my career and parenting. I had just completed my Masters in Social Work, had been laid off from a job that was I was equally passionate about and traumatized by, and was heading into my fifth round of solo parenting during a deployment. And I was locked down due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Pleasure was the last thing on my mind, but it was the thing I needed to most connect with. When adrienne maree brown described pleasure activism as something that asserts all people have a right to pleasure and that it must be reflected in our social structures, something clicked that allowed me to understand that my personal experience with pleasure could be one small part of building social structures that allow others to access theirs. And thus began my exploration into my kinky and erotic self- opening the doors to understanding my queerness, neurodivergence, trauma and family histories, and even my profession in new ways. Ways that have allowed me to better align my life and values, brought an abundance of pleasure in all its forms into my life, and deepened connection not only with others, but with life itself.

Why a Pleasure Practice Matters

Healing doesn't always have to come from pain. It can begin with and be facilitated by joy, play, and pleasure. These aren't frivolous things, they are valuable forms of medicine, for the body and the spirit. Consider the ways chronic stress, pain, and trauma impacts our bodies- when the nervous system is constantly activated, whether for real or perceived threats, the danger alarms are constantly going off. When the body's natural stress responses are pushed to an extreme, it can result in a variety of outcomes, including anxiety and depression, digestive problems, headaches, muscle tension and pain, heart disease and increased risk of heart attack, sleep problems, and memory or focus problems. My own story echos this reality, and as the challenges compounded, my relationship to pleasure was becoming smaller. Pleasure Activism invited me to reimagine how I think about and experience pleasure. I learned to honor it as an intentional practice. One I could cultivate for myself regardless of the circumstances.

As I made major life changes that have allowed me to access more pleasure in my life, I learned to build an intentional practice of this thing I was so deeply devoted to. This has been an anchoring part of my mental and physical health, relationships, creativity, and professional growth in the years since. It has gently held me through seasons of depression, where a cozy and inviting bed made rest feel restorative rather than shameful. It inspires creative action- from intuitive rope flows to my own fiction writing. A pleasure practice is a reminder of our full humanity. It affirms that we exist for more than the daily grind, vast amounts of violence in our world, and the ongoing struggles for liberation.

Pleasure tells our bodies there is beauty, peace, joy, play, sensuality, eroticism, and love to be found in life.

Rituals of Pleasure and Play

Ritualizing mundane tasks into pleasurable practices teaches us to embody pleasure whenever we choose. Ritualizing the more majestic moments in life provides a sense of honor and reverence to them. Ritual surrounds us, and it isn't inherently good or bad. Intention and purpose is the power behind a ritual, and what will ultimately drive the energy of the ritual itself, but also how we integrate it in the days following and use that to inform the actions we take moving forward. Rituals of pleasure and play are when these actions and the order they're carried out in are done in ways that prioritize pleasure and play, in the intention, process, or both. There are no limitations to ritual when these elements are included. It can be formal or informal, high or low protocol, spontaneous or planned with impeccable detail.

In my practice, I use a ritual approach to my services. I take time to intentionally prepare the space, invite clients in and welcome them in. Light refreshments are available, and we talk about what you'd like to experience before we start. These are simple ways of creating the energy needed to facilitate the experience you want.

You can also integrate ritual into your own life. One small way of bringing a practice of intention and pleasure to your life is to ritualize your morning routine, or even just one aspect of it. I approach my coffee in this way. Brewing a fresh cup in the moka pot my sister gifted me, with the coffee my mom sends in monthly care packages from home. I choose the flavor each day, foam my own milk, and sit quietly reading or writing while I drink my single cup. A vast difference from the rushed pots of coffee I drank on a daily basis in the years leading up to my burnout.

Ritual can also be more elaborate. A practice requiring more thought, planning, and effort. Rope has become one of these rituals for me. I put on a playlist that connects me with the energy I want to access. I dress and style myself for a tie. I spend time being present in my body before bringing rope, feeling for what my body is asking to experience. I move slowly and thoughtfully through the process and give myself aftercare when I'm out of the tie.

Creative Flow as a Spiritual Experience

Rope isn't only a therapeutic practice. It's also an art form that turns bodies into altars of pleasure. Each knot an affirmation of your inherent value. Rope allows us to access creative flow that guides how our bodies and energies work together to create an experience of your desires. The act of being wrapped and held mirrors the sacredness life wraps and holds us. Rope can be used to create and release tension, to play with power, resistance, and release. To explore unchartered areas of pleasure in our bodies and minds.

Final Thoughts

Shame teaches us to withhold ourselves from life. We create barriers intended to protect us, but overtime become blocks to pleasure. Pleasure is the bridge to returning us to a state of wholeness. Your own pleasure practice can begin with something as simple as breathwork, meditation, or prayer. My work as cuddle therapist connects us both more deeply to our bodies and the rest, pleasure, and wisdom our bodies have to offer.

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