Touch and Pleasure as Medicine: Regulate, Restore, and Reconnect the Nervous System
- Dream Weaver
- Jul 22
- 5 min read
Updated: Sep 18
Trauma doesn't live in the past. It lives in the body.
Research has shown trauma impacts the mind and body long after the traumatic incident. While a deepened understanding of the impact of trauma on the brain, nervous system, and long-term health outcomes is important, this knowledge also isn't new. Especially for those of us living with this reality. For trauma survivors, the connection between chronic stress, injured nervous systems, and poor health isn't theoretical, its our lived experience.
Studies on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) found an increased risk of various health outcomes such as heart disease, digestive issues, depression, and suicide among others for people with an increased number of ACEs. Numerous studies since have confirmed what so many trauma survivors know- the impact of trauma isn't just on our emotional and psychological well-being, it's also physical. Therapy and mental health support is critical for treating trauma, but without attuning to and caring for the needs of the body and the nervous system we are missing the opportunity for deep-level healing. The kind that can only come from the body learning in real time that it is safe to experienced touch, sensation, presence, and pleasure.
Therapy is great, and...
I'm a big fan of talk therapy. It gives language, insight, context. It's a powerful space to ask questions, wonder about the contradictions of our own behavior, and explore why we feel the way we do. As a person that often struggles to put words to what I'm feeling, I'm certain talk therapy will always be a part of my comprehensive mental health plan. I encourage my clients to find a talk therapist if they don't already have one, and to talk about what comes ups during cuddle sessions if they do.
AND...when the nervous system is tuck in the 4Fs (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn) for months or even years, it may need more than just cognitive tools. It needs new experiences that teach the body it's okay to feel safe, connected, cared for, and pleasure. It needs opportunities to rewrite narratives trapped in the nervous system. It needs experiences where touch isn't violence or indulgence, but medicine.
Unpacking Rules and Shame About Touch and Pleasure
Similar to many people, I learned to disconnect from my body early on. Lessons to not cry, touch ourselves, toughen up, or hide our hurt don't only linger in our thoughts. They get coded into our bodies. We learn emotions, tears, and touch are dangerous, shameful, and wrong. Pleasure is so often framed as taboo, especially for those of us with religious upbringings. These early messages teach and reinforce that "touch isn't safe," "pleasure is sinful," and "the body is a vessel of shame." We don't learn to see the spectrum of pleasure when it's only presented as sexual taboo.
The warmth we feel when the sun soaks into our skin can feel the same as the warmth rushing through us when a crush holds eye contact for just an extra moment. The body doesn't know the difference in the two, but social messaging convinces the mind. If social conditioning has taught us to associate this warmth with shame and stigma, we can easily fall into a slippery slope of denying ourselves any form of pleasure in pursuit of the virtue of "goodness."
But pleasure isn't about sex. It's the feeling of softness, safety, joy, and comfort. It's the deep exhale while being held in a deep hug. It's the flavorful meal that hits your palette just right. These sensations help regulate the nervous system by bringing oxytocin and dopamine, lowering cortisol, and offering the body a blueprint for safety. Pleasure tells us the body is a place worth inhabiting, and we all deserve to believe that in our nerves.
Pleasure is the body's language for aliveness.
Touch and Pleasure as Medicine
T0uch is one of the earliest ways we learn safety. Consider the way babies self-soothe through sucking, grasping, and cuddling. Watch the way newborn kittens search for their mother's body or the way a litter piles on each other for comfort and connection. This need never goes away. If we're lucky, it grows into healthy attachment and the ability to co-regulate and connect with others through touch. For many of us though, this instinct is buried under rules, roles, and conditioning.
I use cuddle and rope therapy to help the body experience slow, intentional contact to downshift out of survival mode. This can look like:
being gently held in a supportive position
feeling pressure of rope wraps or tight hugs that mimic swaddling
stroking or "petting" a cuddle partner
connecting to breath with a partner
exploring physical joy, release, or catharsis
These forms of non-sexual physical connection can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the body responsible for rest, digestion, and restoration. In time, people associate contact with safety instead of danger, release instead of pressure, and connection instead of expectations.
Pleasure is the nervous system's antidote to trauma- not because it erases the past, but because it writes new scripts into the body.
How to Work with Touch and Pleasure in Your Healing Journey
There are several ways to explore touch and pleasure as healing. Move at your own pace, rest when you need to, and give room for your own personal process. I always advise clients to work with a licensed mental health professional if this is new, there's a trauma or mental health history, or just to have a safe third party to process with.
Here are a few ways to get started on this journey. And remember, the most important part of this work is listening to yourself and trusting your body.
Notice Pleasant or Neutral Sensations
Pleasure can feel inaccessible or even threatening for many people. If that's where you are, that's okay. You can start with noticing what's not painful. Identify what sensations don't feel threatening, scary, or dangerous and lean into those. Maybe you aren't ready to cuddle with a partner, but spreading out with a body pillow feels really great. That's incredible! Start there and move slowly.
Give Yourself Permission to Want Touch
Needing connection doesn't make you weak. It's a natural human need to crave and enjoy touch and physical sensations. If you're not ready for touch from or with another person, you can begin by enjoying the small sensations you experience alone. Stroke your arm or hand while you drift off to sleep, give yourself a tight hug, or even slowly lather soap over your body while you shower. And remind yourself "I am allowed to want to be held and comforted."
Practice Consent with Yourself
Ask yourself if you want touch and what kind before engaging in touch-based healing. Are you craving soft strokes or deep pressure? Does your need for touch change depending on your circumstances, and have y0u identified those differences? Practice checking in with yourself about what you need, want, and are able to provide and then listening and responding to that.
Work with a Consent-Centered Practitioner
A consent-centered practitioner not only has theoretical knowledge of consent, but extensive experience using it in a variety of settings, among people with diverse needs and capacity. They engage in proactive and ongoing consent discussion, communicate their own boundaries, and are flexible to adjusting consent needs.
Your body isn't broken. It has given you the gift of surviving, and now you're being invited into experience thriving.
Touch and pleasure are not luxuries. They are not something we earn or need to achieve a certain level of healing to deserve. These are sacred tools we all have the right to. Whether you are just beginning your relationship with your body or are ready to deepen your healing work, you are welcome here and I am honored to serve you.
It is safe to be held.
You have the right to feel pleasure.
You're allowed to come home to yourself.
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